Did you recently take on (or consider) a loan of 84 months or longer on a car purchase?
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But that means the (st,d)ealer is correct, you need a transmission cooler as a minimum if you plan to tow.
I like the suggestion of going aftermarket, and not spending any more than necessary. You just need to find somebody trustworthy that knows what they're doing.
But if you're uncomfortable, one alternative would be to sell your 2006 MDX and get a different vehicle where towing your expected loads won't be an issue. Even the newer MDX's are rated at 5,000 lbs. - I regularly tow a boat with my 2010 w/factory hitch. Fully loaded it's about 3,000 lbs. and the MDX does a great job.
Having a tow attached means taking a longer period in acceleration mode to get up to the speed you desire. The longer you spend in acceleration mode the longer the drive train remains over-stressed.
The answer might be to find a way to disengage the rear drive except for times of obvious need.