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Wearing my full respirator mask and blasting the AC, I drove my Black Beauty into Milo's spread just past dusk to see some 15 Amishmen, several with Coleman Lanterns lighting-up the huge, dead mule. They told me it weighed between 1200 and 1500 lbs. dead. With a hoist hanging out of the upper barn window and hundreds of feet of 1" manila line, they manhandled the dead thing into my well protected cargo area (I'd stopped and bought a throw-away plastic drop cloth at the Hardware store to protect my sano super machine.) My Super Duty shocks and struts hardly budged when they dropped the big dead thing into the truck. Milo tried writing a check, but I reminded him about my Religion and how we only deal in cash. He looked cheated because he couldn't cheat me, which he'd loved to have done, and I blasted off the the renderers. The Flowmasters made a
beautiful sound on that quiet country night and Amish Farm, and just getting $50. from an Amishman is a jackpot rarely duplicated in my experience. If you need Jakey's Hearse, Just call Truck Force Dave. Next time I'll tell you about the $1,000.00 fine I helped a friend pay to his nasty ex -wife. He took 50,000 pennies and dumped them into my truck bed filled with corn syrup (on protective plastic sheeting). My job was to dump the whole load in her front yard and give her a note from him that said something like, "Here's your grand [non-permissible content removed], I hope you have fun taking it to the bank! She yelled, screamed and groaned and I told her, I'm Truck Force Dave, alias Jakey the Hearse Man, I can't help you ... I just deliver in style!! If you've got a good story (and they have to be better than these), send them with pictures if possible and we'll make you a WEB-SITE STAR and send you a Truck Force Gift of great value. Well, sort of Great.
http://community.webtv.net/dp2000/TRUCKFORCEACTIONN
TRUCKER'S BLACK & BLUES
A tale of tail and woe and tailgate failure mixed with lots of bruising and bashing between two people actually in love with one another. It was just the end of this Summer when my lovely Lady and I got real serious about our budding relationship. We both live with our Parents and bringing her to my house or going to her house, even for a "quickie" was always disastrous as my Darling is what you'd have to call 'real loud' in her sexual exuberance. At times she sounds like she's being killed and I've watched in amazement a few times when she experienced what the French call Petit Mort (or Little Death) where she actually faints when she cums. After screaming her head off for a long period, there's this death-like silence and I know she's blissed out. First time it happened it scared the [non-permissible content removed] out of me and my Father took me aside the next day for a lecture on how to treat ladies. He thought I was hitting her and she was crying out in defense. Nothing could be farther from the truth but I didn't have the guts to tell my Dad that she was just a raving screamer loving every minute of the in/out experience. To make an involved story short, we decided to try turning my pick'emup into a mobile motel. Using three sleeping bags, we'd place one down flat on the bed and the other two you could zip together to make one big bag with two compartments and no separator in the middle. We'd pick desolate country spots, even sneaking into State game lands late at night. Once I had her convinced that snake couldn't climb, the truck bed became our bed and our remote locations meant she could scream her fool head off while I got my jolly's. Because of the noise involved and not desiring to attract any nosy hunters, hikers or Game Wardens (let alone State or local Police) we changed out Motel sites very frequently rarely going back to the same place until a good bit of time had passed. Most of these spots I knew fairly well and some I reconnoitered during the daylight just to be sure things looked OK. Well, against my first judgment, I decided to let her pick a spot she really liked. It was a famous, high altitude overlook only populated in the day when the sights could be seen. Though there was a wire rope stretched across the main entry road, my good buddy thought nothing of taking to the woods like a Jeep and we swung right around the barrier and made it to the top of the sightseeing area. For safety sake I backed into a heavy brush area and with an all black beauty like mine, nobody could see the truck unless they were right on top of it.
It was a beautiful but very dark night, kind of creepy. It got me to thinking about snakes as I know they climb real well and love warmth. I did not mention that to my true love or there'd be no snatching any snatch that night or maybe any other in our new found bedroom. We set everything up. I put the truck in park and we adjourned to the work area, under the sleeping bags. I told you she was loud. I didn't tell you that she's also on the Queen size and really strong. I'm a bit over 200 lbs. my self. So, when we get going, it's kind of like an Olympic event where each of us is going full throttle and the springs and shock are taking a lickin' like drivin' a bumpy logging road. Well, she's yelling like hell and I pushing into the bush with great vigor when all the sudden I felt something strange. It felt like the truck moved. "Holy [non-permissible content removed]", I yelled without stopping as we were at a critical moment and the truck rolled backward and the rear wheels both dropped about 2 and 1/2 feet over a rock ledge and were stopped (thank the Heavens)by an even larger wide rock ledge just behind the first one. But, as the truck bounced over the first rocks and hit with a mighty pounding, the tailgate flew open and our sleeping bag joy nest slid straight out of the truck with us still pounding each other as we slipped past the rock ledge that blocked the rear tires and we took an unplanned ride down a rock and bramble covered hill, ruining small trees and somehow stayed entwined in sex until we finally hit a large tree whereupon Loud Lady screamed out in both pain and pleasure at the same moment. I thought I'd broken my Unit (if that's even possible) because it bent so violently a couple of times on the way down. That was it. We didn't break anything, but we were buck-naked, dripping from here and there and trying barefooted to drag our big bag back to the truck. I won't tell you the name of the ball breaker of a pickup we were in, but it's initials are DODGE. Don't do in a Dodge what you should do in a real Motel
... that's the moral of this story ... and, yes she came all the way down the hill until we hit the tree and nearly denutted myself. She told me later that she had a hard time walking and looking at anyone the next day. Naked, we were both one big bruise. Looked like we'd been wrestling with a chimpanzee. We're saving up for a cabin in the woods and I'd recommend that even for Ford and Chevy owners as well.
If you've got a good story (and they have to be better than these), send them with pictures if possible and we'll make you a WEB-SITE STAR and send you a Truck Force Gift of great value. Well sort of Great.
http://community.webtv.net/dp2000/TRUCKFORCEACTION
(..Don't ask..For some reason that popped into my head!)
Quiz...
Anyone know what that is from?
- Tim
rang out!.... ???
sounds familar ...a old movie ?
Your neighbor caught some punks trying to steal your tailgate. After all, that beautiful shine was all it took for someone to lust over. Luckily your neighbor is Inspector Callahan. He hold a strong reputation with Smith an Wesson. Since we have not heard from Callahan for such a long time, he was getting bored waiting for something to do.
When the punks approached your vehicle it was Callahan waiting with his .44 automag. "Go ahead, make my day" was heard in the silence of that foggy night. Of course the punks wanted that tailgate. In fact they wanted your Silverado in the worst way. Callahan responded in the best way he could because he owns a Silverado too!
How about that one Tim?
- Tim
But I'm 39.
Don't you remember the snoopy cartoon books? He would sit on his doghouse with a typewriter and pace back and forth trying to write a novel. Those were the opening lines of it.
It....
..It was..
It was a...
It was a dark..
It was a dark and stormy night....Suddenly a shot rang out!
Sargent friday??
I don't feel so ancient now.
- Tim
Hey what make was the mystery van anyway?
http://community.webtv.net/dp2000/USTF
Geeez!
When Fred Flintstone tried his hand at Racing...what was his Racing name?
(this one is easy!)
- Tim
I was probably grounded the week that episode ran - something to do with a can of spray paint, a M-80, a bic lighter, a mailbox and the cat. I missed a lot of TV what can I say . . .?
But, I do remember Wilma !!! What a babe - she could probably suck the limestone off a . . .
It's been a long time since I watched that cartoon.
you figure out which half....
I haven't watched that for 20 years....but for some reason..I remember that!
What's the next one?
Harold Hecuba was some sort of film producer (Phil Silvers I think)who was supposed to rescue them from the island.
(I think that was the title)
Hey Dave--someone told me that ZBAD71 was kicked off the site. Is this true and why? It seems all the regulars are getting booted!
When are they going to release you from secret double probation??
www.teleweb.net/mgdvhman/I'mBack!.wav
I must be Cival now....so that should be a challenge?
I see Zbad and 2500LT are gone too? What did they do? I liked that 2500LT guy. Reminds me of me!
Now back to biz.....
http://www.teleweb.net/mgdvhman/OneMore.jpg
hehehheeeeee
- Tim
cybil?
Dr. Dunkel.....it could stick?
This story has never been told in Public until this one-time Special written for the exclusive use of The U.S. Truck Force Web Site. We tell it now not just for laughs, but as a warning to all Brother and Sister Truck Lovers around the World. Some names slightly altered just in case the Statue of Limitations hasn't run on all that happened on Public Land that Saturday Night in a New Jersey State Park.
It was 4 th. of July weekend just a couple of years back when our local Truck Brigade (made-up of anybody who had anything resembling any kind of truck) decided on holding a fund raising PIG ROAST to get enough money to have a weekend beer bash at the shore. We were looking to get about $800. to $1,000. for the BIG party and we felt the PIG party could net us up to $400. or more. So Pig it was.
Jules was to get the Pig. He knew a Pig Farmer and promised us the best deal on a succulent Porker of unquestionable genetic heritage. This was a Prize Wining Pig Family's offspring. Some of the Chicks we rode with got table cloths, and all the eating utensils. One Pal, we'll call Chuck, had a pick up with a beautiful stainless steel diamond plate tool box that was actually a concealed two-keg beer tap system. It would hold two full kegs, plenty of ice and with a flick of your hand it was automatically locked and the taps hidden from view. Perfect for Parks where NO Alcohol was permitted under any circumstances. We had lot's of soda around that helped make everything look on the up and up. From our vantage point, if a Ranger of local Police vehicle was coming anywhere near us, out went the beer and out came the soda in seconds. Never had a problem at all with the booze and we did-in 4 kegs total!
This story takes a weird twist when Luke Harmon who was to bring the Pig cooking equipment showed up with his rattle-trap 1978 pick-up that I won't tell the make of for fear of offending any Owners. Luke thought everyone wanted him to get the coal. So, penny pincher that he was, he went to a coal yard and had them put about 1/4 load of coal in the back of his truck, covered by an old car hood in case of rain. When he showed up with no pig cooker, everything went down the tubes! Here we had a pig, the coal, the sauce, the buns, plates, people, beer. kids, dogs, Chicks, everything except a cooker. Luke saved the day! He immediately offered to allow the back of his truck to be used as the cooker. Luke figured he'd just pile up the coal at the end of the bed, start the fire, cut a piece of metal fence railing for a spit and we were on the way to barbecue heaven.
Several of the guys, all hunters and woodsmen of some note had varying ideas about how much of a fire, how long it would have to cook, etc. They used steel wire to fasten the Porker onto the pole which was about 8" long and reached comfortably across the bed so the beast could be turned and basted with loving care. The car hood served as the cooker top and it sat on blocks front and back, bent down in the rear to keep in the heat.
To keep this under 70,000 words, the sound of the EXPLOSION could be heard for miles!!! At the moment it blew, for some Miraculous reason, nobody was near the pig truck. What Luke, and everyone else, failed to realize was that there was 1/4 tank of gas just under the ever hotter coals. The Pig smelled great and it flew even better. The pig actually went threw the air some 400'. The largest single piece left was a bit bigger than a basketball. The entire rear end of Luke's truck was blown to bits. The cab was upside down with no windows. From the cab back there wasn't really anything remaining. That no one got hurt was due to dancing and frisbee throwing and the beer truck which was fifty yards away or more. By the time the ambulances and police arrived, the beer truck was long gone with all evidence of drinking.
We busied ourselves dousing hot embers scattered hundreds of yards into the woods in every direction. With a stream right next to us, we had no problem getting the water needed. NO ONE WAS HURT at all! Not a mark and there was no frame, driveshaft, differential, wheels, tires or much of anything recognizable from the cab back. A lift-back took the cab to Luke's place. One of our heftier Members placed a call to Dominos and twenty large pies, 10 plain and 10 with the works went on his plastic to make our holiday fantastic! Talk about blowin' it! That pig was in trees, on everyone's vehicle. Some people grabbed hunks that looked safe and still made sandwiches!
RULE #1. Don't listen to Luke ever again. We'd cleaned it all up so the Cops couldn't figure out what to charge us with. They had pizza instead.
http://community.webtv.net/dp2000/TRUCKFORCEACTION
........
Everyman should check his truck and girlfriend for the same compliance.... They should both be able to start and run well at fast idle for an extended period of time.... Not to mention "gettin' it on" no matter what road you're on or off of.... Best To Ya, Dave-40
http://community.webtv.net/truckforce/USTF
My friend at the time and I went to to a spot of night fishing in Kentucky. It was 2 oclock in the morning and we had caught nothing. Went back to the boat ramp to put the boat on the boat trailer.
Backed the car down the boat ramp with trailer. The car had defective hand brake. So put a large rock under the front wheel. Well as we were putting boat on trailer. Car eases itself over rock, and slides down the ramp with boat part way on. Car and trailer float out in lake. i swim out to get it. Am pulling car back to shore when all of a sudden it just goes under. It 2 oclock in the morning am soaking wet and go to a house and get a tow truck, but could not find drowned car. Next day take my chevy back and get my old scuber gear on. Tie a strop around front axle of submerged car and connect to pick up. Put pick up in low 4X4 and pull the trailer and car straight out. only fish we caught were in the car - for real.(Its on video)