Dumb Ads

C13

Here's a great one I saw tonight:

"Does not run, but burns oil."

dhoff

Love that one.

The best one I ever saw was in the Milwaukee Journal in the mid or late Eighties. It was an ad from Capitol Import Autos for the Suzuki Samurai (remember, back when all the controversy started about them rolling over).

It had a picture of a Samurai UPSIDE DOWN, with a headline that read "You'll FLIP over our prices!"

I kid you not. I wish I would have cut it out and saved it.

Dave

rapunzel

But are those dumb ads, or truth in advertising? ;-)

glengle

Check out the back of this month's Car and Driver. Good stuff there, too. Like a Civic ad bragging about having an "internal combustion engine, pneumatic tires, and much more!"

C13

Saw that. It's great. There's a Mercury Mistake for sale too.

ralph124c

Remember when the GM "X" cars came out? They ran an ad showing an X car towing a trailor, without the rear wheels (on the car).
Of course, they had a disclaimer on the bottom of the screen "DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS"...still wonder if some moron did imitate the ad, got killed, and then the widow tried to sue!

Mr_Shiftright

How about the ads that showed the Jeep charging through a mountain stream with water splashing up over the fenders...someone forgot to tell people that you aren't supposed to drive in water deep enough to get into your air cleaner....(water sucks into cylinders, piston comes up, tries to compress water, bends all the connecting rods).

C13

There's also the time-honored tradition of photographing the car at sunset driving about 30 - 40 mph through the waves at Daytona or some similar beach. Imagine all that salt water getting forced up into the rocker panels and doors and the sand helping to trap it there and hold it for a nice long while.

I'd like to see that car 2 yrs later.

sunliner

Does the abysmal spelling in common classifieds count? In particular, how many Buick "Rivera" or "Riveria" ads have you seen? What is a Chevy "Camero," anyway?

I mean, if you can't remember what your car is, can't you just look out the window at the car? Chances are there's a big chrome badge on it somewhere that spells it out.

I also love it when some seller puts in an ad that says something like, "excellent car, needs rear main seal."

Mr_Shiftright

or "completely original, new paint, interior"...

How 'bout Nissan Pathfinder ad touting the new "monoframe construction"?...this of course, means no frame at all...it's a unibody rather than a separate body and frame that trucks usually have...so you're getting a passenger car body with "monoframe" construction...hey, that MUST be good...MONOFRAME...sounds sturdy, hah?

or Honda Accords "effort-sensitive" power steering (actually means the variable-assist has been eliminated!)

or the Camry's new "tripmeter"...what's that? A computer? No, it the little odometer reset button actually....but sounds good, doesn't it?

sunliner

How about:
"PS/PB/PW/PL/PM/AT/AC/AM-FM/CASS/4CYL/4SP/4DR"

Sure, I know what they mean, but why unleash all of that on unsuspecting newspaper readers?

Mr_Shiftright

What's PL?

glengle

Locks, I would assume. The new one I've seen around here lately (Huntsville, AL) is TW. Tilt wheel, geez.

Mr_Shiftright

Ah, of course, thanks...and AEK...oh, no, wait,that's all electric kitchen for apartment-hunting....

how about "3rd owner"...gee, that's really great for a 1996 car....

or on an older car----"excellent body, nds. floor pans, rockers..."

or this one I saw--"must sell new baby"...

glengle

Mechanic's special. Be afraid, be very afraid.

carnut4

How 'bout these:
"Will run" or "ran when last parked" --5 years ago?

sunliner

I saw one on Hemmings Motor News online: "Ran when parked 22 years ago."

Well shoot, so did the Spruce Goose!!

C13

In fact it ran into the garage wall. That's when I decided to park it.

bcathcart

1969 MGB no engine,gearbox,or wheels,interior fire damaged,complete otherwise,fast classic in restorable condition,be quick,£12000.

Mr_Shiftright

Ah, yes, the old "ready for restoration" catchphrase....well, aren't we all?

stickguy

not actually an ad, but in the Edmunds review of the Volvo S70AWD, they said "the average owner is 50% male and 50% female". take that however you want to.

C13

That's the way I see Volvo owners too.

Mr_Shiftright

Hmmmm....I thought people like that only drove Maserati Bi-Turbos...

carnut4

Yeah, but--the logo right on the hood of every Volvo is the symbol for male-so what does that mean?

C13

I thought it was a symbol for The Who.

Mr_Shiftright

Actually, it's the geophysical map symbol for Iron.

cobra98

The ads that I always hate is when they claim only x/month or x total and then there is the real tiny print that says "with 7K down/trade". Duh... Hell a Lamborghini is only 149/month (with enough down/trade ;-)

cobra98

then there's the ad that ends with "won't last". I always wonder if they're talking about the sale or the car itself....

badgerpaul

I've always liked the tag line "No Dealers Please." Suggesting that their price is below what other dealers would pay for the car. Just how stupid do they think people are?

Mr_Shiftright

I like the old "estate sale" trick....oh, quick! the senile widow Wilson is selling that Jaguar XKE roadster for $300.......pul-eese!

spokane

"Only 34,000 original miles....."

I don't know what an "original mile" is but this clever phrase causes me to wonder how many "non-original" miles are also involved.

Mr_Shiftright

It's been my experience so far that 9 or 10 low mileage claims can't really be documented...they may be true low miles, but there's no proof, so I say why pay extra for that claim.

Peter Egan in the latest Road and Track brings up the subject of 'highway miles'....true, they are often less destructive to a car than city miles, but sellers advertise 'highway miles' as if they weren't miles at all...."215,000 highway miles"-----gee, hardly broken in!

carnut4

Yeah right-here's another "weasel clause" I've noticed when it comes to advertising original miles. Only 34,000 original miles [since restoration]."All original" might mean "all new old stock." I saw one of these last weekend [a '46 Chevy] that was obviously all redone inside, that claimed to be "all original" and "46,000 original miles." On the other hand, there was also a '41 Oldsmobile coupe' that had a documented 34,000 original miles. And I mean, it WAS original. The original grey lacquer paint was wearing thin in spots, the interior was completely original, and the flathead six motor ran like new. The underhood area also looked authentic and original.

sunliner

We just sold a '98 Intrigue with 18,000 "original miles." Probably 16,000 of them were going back and forth to the dealership for repairs on that P.O.S. of a car. Original miles doesn't mean much, you're right.

carnut4

So-the old Intrigue went down the road finally-I remember you were really torqued about it. I'm curious though-what were the problems you had? I have a friend who's interested in one, and I told him to wait.

sunliner

Check out the "Oldsmobile Intrigue" topic in Sedans, #1569. Also, the archived topic #66 in Sedans, "Oldsmobile Intrigue: Long Term Test" if I remember right. I ranted a lot, and so did a lot of other people.

The short form of our troubles is this, though: Bad Instrument Cluster; Bad Body Control Module; Faulty Wire on the starter; Sagging Door; Right Front Suspension Bent before we got it -- Which led to the ABS quitting, a bearing blowing out, a tire blowing out; Transmission Shudders; Humongous driveline slack; Terrible base radio; Always out of alignment; Tires always out of balance; At 18,000 miles, the tires were bald and the brakes were squealing their "warning peg."

I understand that Intrigues are better now, and that we had a very early build-date model that'd sat on a lot for a long time. Still, though...

Mr_Shiftright

Was this "your father's Oldsmobile", as the ad says.....?

Have you noticed that the Olds logo doesn't even appear on the Alero...I wonder if this make is scheduled for the shelf...

carnut4

Saw these ads in the national Auto Trader:

"47 Hudson-nicest anywhere-flawless gray stripped interior.....
1960 Rolls-120" stretched limo--hide-a-bed-will sacrifice for $175,000....
'56 Dodge-205,000 original miles-runs..needs oil pump....what?
'64 Plymouth Fury III 4dr.[no such model in '64]
"Rare-one in five made--426 Wedge Hemi--$40,000??!! What's a "Wedge Hemi?" I think from the picture{which showed a belvedere,no chrome 4dr with Fury chrome around the windows] and the ad, that this was a completely counterfeit car-and a bad one at that...

Mr_Shiftright

The guy is seriously confused...people often do confuse the wedge with the hemi because they have the same cubic inches and horsepower ratings.

The 426 Hemi was only avaliable in 1964 as an engine only, in a crate, for competition use, for $1,800 in the box...so if there really is one in that Fury, it was installed after the factory built the car...I'd imagine he'll have a hard time getting $40K for it, but on the other hand if it's a real hemi from 1964 and the car has a competition history perhaps, who knows....? Given the info we have here, the whole thing sounds a bit shakey.

sunliner

Not my father's Oldsmobile. More like my mechanic's Oldsmobile. It has the Olds emblem on the hood, and the word "Intrigue" on the trunk. that's it. The '99's have a little 1/4" tall "Oldsmobile" badge stuck on the trunk now.

"Start Something" is the campaign. Yeah, start your tab with the towing company.

Mr_Shiftright

I have a very early Oldsmobile ad in my files, from 1903 I think, and it says something like

"It Will Get You There"

back then, most ads stressed reliability...the idea of a car as one's personal expression was at least 10-15 years off, and the idea of enacting some sort of fantasy with an automobile probably not until ads for the Jordan Playboy, in the 1920s.